Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in timkingkraw's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, December 10th, 2009
12:54 pm	my favorite christmas song of all time. father christmas from the kinks http://play.napster.com/track/14079103 (the site i used to use for music is gone! crap.) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
1:11 pm	he told me the same story 7 times. different details each time, but close enough for it not to really matter. it was clear that he was telling this story more for himself than for my benefit. he was reliving it. getting lost in it. lost in his youth, his past life, before his bones became brittle and his mind never staying in quite the same place. like a piece of driftwood floating in a shallow pond. it was a story of the end of the world. his world at least. as he spoke he kept scratching at the fading numbers tattooed to his forearm. i found it to be admirable how he had no regret. no remorse. no shame for any of the things that he had done. despite how horrific they may seem to anyone else who wasn't there. the end of the world came. the skies raining with ash. the demons standing side by side him, like future echoes of what we all may ultimately become. he said that even the demons were weeping. his god was laughing at him. all that he could do was laugh back and say "good show old man. but you haven't crushed me yet. i'll do better next time. just watch me you son of a bitch." all i can think is that this crazy motherfucker was fucking crazy. fo' realz. this was nonsense. i behind schedule. i need to go to work. this cold weather does not agree with me. it makes me want to spend as much time as possible in my bed under my blanket. all that time in my bed is playing strange tricks on my mind... (Comment on this)
Monday, December 7th, 2009
9:51 pm	( Books ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 5th, 2009
8:26 pm	David Teninch has been upgraded to number one man crush. I'm not saying this because i'm a hopeless fan of his character, or his show. I say this cuz the man himself is just fucking sexy. I've spent much of the day watching youtube clips. mostly from the shows that don't air here. like the friday night project. He is incredibly charming, fun, funny. He also seems kind and considerate. But if there are any intimate moments (speaking of hypothetical fantasy world, of course.) i will always refer to him as Doctor. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 30th, 2009
10:07 am	i was on a scale today. first time in a long time. i'm fat. that's it. there's no other way to say it. i'm fat. Huge. i'm not just thick. or chunky. big boned. or pleasantly plump. i'm just fat. i should give up now. my life is over. and don't give me that shit about eating healthy and exercise. it's too late for that now. i'm going to become the person you see shopping at walmart. wearing the huge sweatpants pulled over my huge fat gut. i'll have bulges of fat protruding from weird places like mid thigh. i'll look like i've stuffed several bags of potatoes in my pants. i'll lose a foot to diabetes like my aunt. wear a walking cast on the other one because it will also be ready to go any moment. i'll give up on walking entirely. you see me on one of those motorized scooters. but my ass will be too big for the seat and it'll be hanging over on both sides making the seat itself lost in the oblivion of my fat folds. rolls of fat will make it look like i have 4 tits and 2 more sets on my back. i'll have to travel with an oxygen tank and tubes running up to my nose at all times to help me breathe because my lungs are being crushed. all of this will upset me so much, i'll turn to food for comfort. i'll keep telling myself that one of these days i'll go on a diet. and everytime i finish 3 pies by myself in one sitting i'll cry. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 27th, 2009
8:25 pm	i've made an animated max headroom wallpaper for my verizon lg dare phone. (if you don't know what max is, google it) i'm not happy with it. but i am very happy with the direction its going. usually, i just get disinterested and quit before i make any notable progress. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
11:40 pm	(Comment on this)
Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
7:37 am	"Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost." (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 12th, 2009
5:16 pm	"Dear god, I wish that I could touch you How strange sometimes I feel I almost do And then I'm back behind the glass again Oh god what keeps you out it keeps me in" Dear God (sincerely M.O.F.) - Monsters Of Folk (Comment on this)
Monday, November 9th, 2009
12:29 pm	this is, mostly, a note to myself. (i guess that's all this journal ever is/was. a place to keep things straight. i mess around so much on other sites and such; its good to have at least one i'm not filling with complete bullshit) i spent the weekend reading comics. i hardly ever do anymore. and when i do, i typically stay away from the mainstream marvel and dc stuff. a few exceptions. but not many. they just don't usually interest me. but my local library carried frank millers run on daredevil from the 80's. glad i read it. i'm more familiar with millers later stuff. after he built a reputation. and an ego. when his stuff became self indulgent. childish, bravado stuff. not that there is anything wrong with that. there's a place for it. and he does it well. Sin City for example. anyway. i was impressed by this. just for fun, i also picked up a bunch of daredevil books written by ed brubaker. i've always known him by name and reputation. but i've never read anything of his before. i loved it. its hard to read a story about grown men prancing around in tights and not feel silly. but his whole run on the series felt like a crime novel. enough references to other comic book characters to appease the nerd-fans, but it was always treated in a way that very grounded and never took away from the noir feeling. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 1st, 2009
9:50 am	i'm hungry this morning and trying to decide what to do about it. i'm terrible at decisions. i wish there were more breakfast buffet options around here. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
11:20 am	mah penis my penis is sooo big that movie theaters now sell popcorn in 4 sizes. small, medium, large, and mah penis! -george bush from comedy central's "that's my bush" something like 2 years ago i got bored and posted pictures of my man bits on site where people can vote on it. there's also a section on the site where they take one picture from two separate random people and post them side by side. you're suppose to the click on the one you like better. "cockfights". i had almost completely forgot that i ever posted on there. anyway. here are my stats: ( Read more... ) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
10:56 pm	terry gilliam </lj-embed> (Comment on this)
Friday, October 23rd, 2009
9:58 pm	She took all my money And my best friend You know the story Here it comes again I have no pride I have no shame You gotta make it rain Make it rain! Since you're gone Deep inside it hurts I'm just another sad guest On this dark earth I want to believe In the mercy of the world again Make it rain, make it rain! The nite's too quiet Stretched out alone I need the whip of thunder And the wind's dark moan I'm not Able, I'm just Cain Open up the heavens Make it rain! I'm close to heaven Crushed at the gate They sharpen their knives On my mistakes What she done, you can't give it a name You gotta make it rain Make it rain, yeah! Without her love Withour your kiss Hell can't burn me More than this I'm burning up all this pain Put out the fire Make it rain! I'm born to trouble I'm born to fate Inside a promise I can't escape It's the same old world But nothing looks the same Make it rain! [2x] Got to make it rain Make it rain You got to make it rain Got to make it rain You got to... I stand alone here! [2x] Sing it... Make it rain! [2x] Make It Rain - Tom Waits since getting the Glitter and Doom live album i've been playing a lot of tom waits again. (Comment on this)
11:48 am	holy fuck, these cheetos have turned my tongue blue!! (Comment on this)
11:40 am	i tried to buy clothes. two different stores and i got nothing. i'm terrible at clothes shopping. it's a special skill that i just don't have. -- cheeto's and soda for breakfast at 11am. -- today, i took her keys off of my key ring. that's it. i'm done. all done. after all this time. it wouldn't be fair to say that i miss her. i accept that things are the way they need to be. but i do miss how things were. some of the good days. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 22nd, 2009
9:21 pm	note to self. about warts somebody passed this to me after i attempted to cut my wart off. again. Warts are caused by HPV. Human Papillomavirus. Look it up. It's a virus localized to the outter dermal layers where the immune system doesn't do much, that's why they're so hard to get rid of, and that's why the duct tape trick works sometimes (it can irritate the area enough that your immune system goes "WTF IS THIS" and comes to get rid of the virus). Retinol A (if that is the name, i used it too) and the salycilic acid shit worked moderately meh for me. They helped curb some warts, but they'd always grow back. I had about 17 all over my hands. I went to a doctor once to get them frozen off with a liquid nitrogen spray. He sprayed each one for quite a long time. It felt like a red hot needle was being driven into the root of each one. Lots of pain. Then they blistered, it was hideous, and hurt and throbbed like a montherfucker for days. Then the blisters popped and went away and the warts were pretty much gone. A few stragglers remained but I think they just faded. Today I have none. They are an immune barometer for me. When I'm not taking care of my body I see one start to crop up. I start making healthier choices and it goes away. Strange but it's true. Spreading warts is possible by scratching the skin and rubbing on other skin. If I remember correctly, the HPV has something of little hooks to get on skin cells.. and can hook itself around, or something. I don't understand viral pathology but a lot of sources I read said that HPV can spread by skin to skin contact. There are over a hundred strains of the HPV virus. Most of them don't do jack shit. Some cause plantar's warts (bottom of your feet, can spread at public pools and showers), some cause warts on your hands, some cause genital warts. Some cause those insane horny growths on people's heads like "horns," some cause those weird fucking lumps that cover those fellows in southeast Asia. Two strains cause cervical cancer. ENTER GYNECOLOGY. HPV is THE cause of cervical cancer (I could be wrong on this). It's why gynecology was invented. They look for abnormal cell growth on the cervix at regular intervals by doing the pap smear. When they find abnormal cell growth (aka "cervical dysplasia"), they recommend further action. If no action is taken, for years, a cancerous condition can develop. The cervical dysplasia caused by HPV is fully treatable and gynecology has saved countless lives. Wear your condoms for all those one night stands, kids! Even when the person gets tested regularly and knows they are "clean," they can still carry HPV, because it can sit and do nothing, for years, biding its time. I'm not exaggerating about this. Look it up. Almost HALF of the sexually active public has one or more strains of HPV. Not sure how they figurd that out tho. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
11:09 pm	my name is mountain. leave me alone. my name is Mountain. go fuck yourself. my name is Mountain. i am eroding. .
Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
1:23 pm	its so very very hard to stay out of bed.
Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
10:47 am	let's talk about craigslist. i been playing around with it for a bit. at first it was fueled by an equal amount of sincerity and curiosity. 98 percent of the responses i got from ads that i answered as well as the ads that i posted myself were all spambots. i believe i've posted a previous entry about these spambots. the other 2 percent of responses i've gotten were of gay men offering to suck me off. these answers started to entertain me. just to see what happens. also, it became fun to see how rare it was to get an answer from an actual person. what i'm leading to is a recent correspondence from one of these actual people. she answered an ad i put up in the "casual encounters m4t". meaning male looking for sex with a tranny. i was completely unprepared for a sincere response. i feel really bad now. instead of explaining what and why, i'm just going to post the emails here. i think i'm done with craigslist for awhile. -- sept 25 from her to me Hi there - I've been searching for someone who may actually want to meet for a long time. I've looked for married guys mostly because they are more likely to be discreet but I've found that they are so discreet they never show! I'm a 39 yo white married t-girl . My wife knows but will not participate. I'm into everything from sensual to kinky. I'm squeaky clean and would like to appreciated as the woman I have always felt I've been -- if not only in my mind. [she attached a pict of herself. i'm not posting it here for the sake of her discretion] -- sept 26 me to her fantastic picture renee, is that really you? sorry to ask, but i've been tricked before by craigslist responses. would it be greedy for me to ask for more? i didn't expect to get a response at all, i wasn't prepared for it so please forgive me if i say or do something stupid here. the fact that you're married makes me hesitate here. getting involved with someone in a committed relationship is a position that i'm not fully comfortable in. we can still talk, and see where it goes. but, i can't host. since my dad has been out of work, and the lease ran up at my last apartment, i've moved back home to help out. as i believe my ad said, i am 26, white, single, clean. live in newcastle de. and i've never been with a tgirl before. hell, its been too long since i've been close to anyone at all. i'm attaching a picture of myself. it's not a good pict at all, but it is the most recent and the easiest for me to find right now. thanks for your interest. hope to hear back from you. [i attached a pict of myself. i'm not posting it here because it's just not important. and i'm lazy] -- sept26 her to me It is me, albeit a professional pose. I have another picture from my younger days with big hair I will dig up for you. I understand your hesitation and respect that. My wife and I have been together since college but haven't been intimate in years. Sorry to hear about your dad... it's a tough economy out there. You're very cute. I love the lip ring. -- sept 26 me to her Thank you for calling me cute. Everybody needs so hear that every once in awhile. And thank you for sending that other pict. I love getting pictures from people. feel free to send me any anytime. Sorry i'm not attaching another of myself. I'm at work and don't have any available here. like i said in a previous message. It was easy to post and an ad and respond to spambots and people propositioning themselves to me for money. Those things became entertaining to me. But now that i'm talking to a real person my mind is getting carried away with all the things that can go wrong. its not likely we'll meet. Call me chickenshit. I'm a kid. I'm probably not whats right for you. I'm sorry to hear you and you're wife haven't been close in years. I can't imagine how difficult that is. Why continue with the marriage if you two are no longer close? And why is that? Do you live your life as a woman? Or do you still keep up the appearance of a ''good husband'' forcing you to live a secret life? I know. i know. i'm being completely intrusive. i'm sorry. i just have an inquisitive nature. if i'm crossing a line just let me know. I'll stop. maybe i ask questions of others because i'm deflecting. Have you made craigslist connections before? Does it work? -- sept 28 her to me Hi again - You probably hit the nail on the head as to why I haven't met anyone yet. Most are spam or pros looking for money and when repliers find I'm the real deal they get scared off. I stay married because my wife knew about Renee even before we were married - in fact when she asked if I was ever going to propose I told her that my desire to be a woman was overwhelming and I would likely take it further someday. She said I shouldn't be concerned and she loved me no matter what. It's not often you hear that in a lifetime so here we are. We were intimate until about five years ago when she underwent gall bladder surgery. It seems they took her horny gene out as well. I don't live full-time as Renee but she is always with me. You can share with me what you think could go wrong and we can talk about it. You can ask me anything you like. I don't mind. It doesn't have to be about my lifestyle, either. I've never met anyone through Craigslist. I haven't been with a guy since college. I'll leave you with this: If your fantasy gets the best of you, I'll be here. If you're looking for a guy friend that shares the same interest as you from the other perspective, I'll be here. If you're lonely and just want some intimacy, I'll be here.. If you want to meet me as a guy and play it as though you see my panties sticking out of the top of my jeans, and call me on it... I'll be here. If you just want a friend, I'll be here. -- sept 28 me to her i'm not the guy for you. nothing against you. its all me; all the shit that i've been going through and where i am with myself right now. i'm not sure why i even made a post in the first place. i know, that sounds like such shit doesn't it. "its not you, its me". but its true. you seem really smart, and really incredibly sweet. i wish you the very best of luck in your search. you deserve better then what i have to give. and i hope you find it. -- that's all. my attentions have wandered away from me. so i'll just leave it here. (Comment on this)